he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
