sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
