don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
