I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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