I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
