so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
