i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
