I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
