bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
