I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
