I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
