he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
