i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
