just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
