Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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