my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
