can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
