no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
