It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
