We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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