I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
