I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
