Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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