dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
