i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
