sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
