i think my mom watched the whole time
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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