11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
