My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
