a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
