The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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