i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
