my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
