I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
