when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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