she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
