I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
