you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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