one two three fourrrrnication!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just googled if crying burns calories
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
