At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she smelled like a LAN party
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
