just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
