No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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