Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
