the condom got lost in my hair
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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