Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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