Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
