Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
