I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
