you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
