Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
