You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
