I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
