Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
