just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
