I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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